Of course you don’t need a wheelchair! by Liz Saunders

I don’t need a wheelchair?  Are you kidding?  What else can go wrong?

No matter who I asked prior to my surgery “Am I going to need a wheelchair?” the answer was categorically “no”.   Clearly none of these people have had a total toe bi-lateral arthroplasty.  I was told I would need crutches to get home, so crutches I had.  But if you don’t have one stable foot to put down on the ground when you lose your balance, what good are crutches going to do I ask you?

It all started off so well.  First I was to be at the hospital at 6 a.m., then 8:30 a.m. (right as Jaden gets put on his bus so I actually got to the hospital at 8:36 a.m.).  I was told my operation was at 9:30 and got very excited…bad idea as they came for me at 11:15 a.m. (must have been an emergency arthroplasty ahead of me).

When the nurse was getting me ready she said “take your shoes off and put them in this bag, then take your clothes off and put them and the shoe bag in the other bag”.  I said “since I won’t need my shoes later, I was going to have my husband take them home because both feet will be in casts”.  Nope, I had to put them in the bag.  (I didn’t, I gave them to Joe to take home. )

Then as I was being sent back out to wait, I started bleeding out of my IV because it hadn’t been put in correctly.  Blood everywhere being forced out by the IV fluids.

Then the 2 hour wait.

After surgery, a nurse brought me juice and water but put it on table out of reach and didn’t tell me if I could have it or not.  Tease!  Then I got my clothes – YAY, the end was in sight.  Unfortunately, being a little groggy as I tried to insert my feet into underwear leg holes, both feet went into the same leg hole.  Extricating my left leg meant dislocating my cast – yup, it came right off with my knickers!  At least by then I was allowed to have my juice.

So, new cast, trip to the bathroom to continue getting dressed and have a whiz, but the nurse left the wheelchair in the door and the door wide open!  Still, I learned to do “the girl thing” well years ago so I was all right.

Then the fun began.  Got home, got out of the car with my crutches…what was I thinking?  Got about 5 feet and realized I was going to do a face plant and that trying to walk was a seriously bad idea.  Borrowed a walker from a neighbor and ultimately found a wheelchair (thank you so much Sheila!!!) which I have been using since.

Off the painkillers last Monday, taking my homeopathics religiously and definitely on the mend, but boy will I have words with my surgeon who’s clearly never operated on his own toes!